How many times have speakers at our various churches said something that left us feeling like we were some piece of crap God happened to find under a rock somewhere and decided, out of obligation, to save us?
During my more formative years as a Christian, when I was still learning the ropes and deciding on the "biggies" of what I believed to be truth, I often questioned whether I should be listening only to Christian music or not. Since I had time to grow up and develop a lot of my taste in music (Neil Young, Paul Simon) before I became a Christian, many of the artists I enjoyed were secular.
So I tried to convert my taste in music. I bought a Steven Curtis Chapman cd. I purchased some worship mixes. I tried to listen to my old music less and less while listening to the new, Christian stuff more.
Time passed. I found myself thinking about old songs I used to listen to. I would put in an old cd for a song or two and then switch it back out, feeling guilty the entire time. I told people, other Christians, I was trying to stop listening to secular music and they responded, "Me too!" But they seemed a lot more successful at it. I mean, come on--who else at my church, at my age, wanted to listen to old stuff like Neil Young and Paul Simon? Not many. I felt pretty alone. Pop-ish, Christian music was the norm.
At one point, a guest speaker came to my church and talked about how he was on a car ride with one of his youth and some of the kid's music (Marilyn Manson or something like that) queued up on the student's car cd player. The guest speaker said he took the kids music out of the cd player and tossed it out the window. He proceeded to throw out all the music that didn't "lift up Jesus." This youth later came and thanked him for helping him be set free.
That story made me feel so guilty. I missed all my old music. Maybe the next step was to burn it or give it all away!
Luckily, I never got that far. I'm not sure where or why, but I eventually came to my senses. I realized that the very reason I enjoyed much of my secular music was because some of it spoke to me on a spiritual level.
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One such song that speaks to my heart as a Christian on a journey towards God is "Thrasher" by Neil Young.
This song talks about one man's journey toward truth and away from the things that distract or weigh him down--comfort, friends without vision, science that attacks spiritual beliefs, too much protection.
"With a one-way ticket to the land of truth,
And my suitcase in my hand..."
In my mind, this line describes his journey toward truth. It is my very favorite line of any song.
"The motel of lost companions waits with heated pool and bar.
But me I'm not stopping there,
got my own row left to hoe.
Just another line in the field of time. . ."
This highlights his temptation to sit, rest, relax versus his knowledge of the journey he has to undertake, his "line in the field of time."
For whatever reason, this song truly speaks to my heart and something deep within resonates the message and tone of this song. The desire for truth, the knowledge of my journey and responsibilities ahead--I see them now in a new and much more beautiful light than before.
Sadly, the beauty of this song was almost lost to me because I believed there were vices in my life that were not there. I have/had many vices, but my music choice simply was not one of them. The music I listen to, I listen to because it strikes some chord deep within me that helps me to voice the feelings I have about my journey, my adventure, and the path in which God has placed me.
How many times do we go to church or talk with other Christians and leave feeling like we need to "do better?" How often does the message leave us feeling guilty, like we are not good enough? These are not things Jesus communicated to his followers.
There is nothing we can do to make God love us more. He made us exactly as we are, music tastes and all, and that is exactly who we should be--ourselves. When we act as who God made us to be, we are, in fact, worshipping.
My wife, the future theater professor, is worshipping God when she studies, directs, acts, and teaches theater. My friend Andy is worshipping when he's playing hammered dulcimer and singing about whatever gibberish is in his head. I am worshipping when I'm listening to Neil Young and contemplating my journey towards him (Jesus) and away from distraction.
How do you worship God? What do you do that speaks to the core of who you are?
I'm happy to say I didn't throw any of my cd's away. I did get rid of my copies of Grand Theft Auto 3 (which I should have gotten rid of. that's one decision I don't regret), but that's another story. I happily listen to many different artists today, Christian and secular, and don't even pay attention to their spiritual title anymore. I simply listen to what they are saying in their music.
CaryJoice@gmail.com is my e-mail address. Feel free to contact me, or, simply comment on the site. The more honest, the better!
Peace, folks.
5 comments:
I think that I feel closest to God when I'm watching a moving film (when it's not out of escape or procrastination), sometimes singing, and definitely when living intimately and vulnerably with friends and family. That's what gets my Jesus motor going.
I couldn't agree more with this topic. I also think we need to "filter" what we let into our hearts, minds and bodies but not ALL things are to be completely "cut off" from us. Discernment is key. If whatever "it" is effects you in a bad way, and hurts your relationship with Christ, then no, don't continue on it. We are to follow Christ's example, not follow the worlds Christian standards. This is why we have God's word to guide us. Thanks for posting this!
I find myself in the "throes" of worship when I'm driving. Maybe it's not as poignant as film or music or "ministry" per se, but when I'm driving and the trees are flying by and I'm waving to my fellow drivers on the open road, I feel connected to God in a way I don't often feel. Whether I have James Taylor in or Caedmon's, Ali Rogers or Billy Joel, I feel like I'm communing with the Almighty.
Good thoughts today, friend.
I've always been a little puzzled by the sentiment you referred to: the throwing out of everything secular once you convert. My own faith tradition does very corporeal and very much holds that God is God of all Creation, Creation is good, we, as part of Creation, are fundamentally good. Therefore, anything that does not teach us things that are contrary to the will of God (e.g., celebrating the hurting of other people), has the potential to teach us about God: secular, non-Christian, none of the above (might also have the potential to distract but that is another issue).
Music, for example, is a a gift of God: some are blessed with the ability to write, sing, play. If we appreciate it as such, what is being sung, played, etc. is only part of the story.
Also, I think one can miss out on a lot of some very profound messages by limiting one's self that way. None of us has a perfect understanding of God or our relationship with Him. We can be challenged to deepen our relationship and understanding of God in new ways when we look outside our own conceptualization.
@kathleen,
It, definitely, is a confusing sentiment. Another thing that really bothered me when I was at that point in my life was that you could really take it to extremes. Only watch Christian TV shows with Christian actors. Only hire Christian plumbers to fix your piping. Etc, etc.
It quickly gets out of hand, and, like you said, we limit ourselves when we do such things. We limit ourselves from growth experience and from potential opportunities, such as planting some good seeds here or there.
thanks for the comment :) I'm enjoying all this dialogue very much.
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