Priorities

Currently Listening: My Sundown - Jimmy Eat World; To Me, This Is Heaven - Jimmy Eat World

So, I had this conversation with my wife the other day. It's a conversation I've had with many people I know on multiple occasions. It's the typical "oh great, Cary's talking about life's purpose again" conversation.

If you know me at all, then this is probably something you and I have discussed at some point. For a long time, I have struggled with the idea of wanting to have some artistic skill or ability I was super-good at. I would use this ability to stir others' hearts and draw them to God, as I had been in my adolescent years.

But, no matter what I tried, I never could do anything as well as I wanted. I practiced guitar and remained mediocre. I painted and still couldn't get past stick figures. My sketches never took off either.

The result of this mentality resulted in a wall being built around my heart. When Candace, my wife, would compliment me on my guitar playing, I would acknowledge it but not receive it.

Thanks to Candace, I was recently made very aware of this problem and we worked through it together (by praying together in a parking lot--it's funny how God times things). But I still sometimes find myself frustrated by my inability to really invest myself in some type of art that could reach others.

However.

I think I'm beginning to realize something. I can't really put into words what I'm beginning to realize. I know that makes little sense. If I had to put this realization into words, it would be that I'm beginning to understand that every little thing I do is a part of a bigger whole.

There is no larger role for me other than the one I have been given.

I would say, for me, it's easier to see God in the extremes of life--pain, death, frustration, joy, happiness, laughter, fun. It's extremely difficult for me to see God in those inbetween moments that occur many times a day. Drinking coffee in the morning. Reading the news. Showering. The carpool drive to work and back home. Making my students laugh in class. Talking with co-workers during our plan periods. Hanging out at home. Making dinner. Cleaning up after dinner. Watching TV. Playing video games. Sleeping.

I am often frustrated because I feel like I do very little to--I'm not even sure how to put it--live as Christ would have. I don't heal people. I don't feed the hungry very often or clothe the poor. I don't stop and pick up every hitchhiker by the side of the road that I see. These are things that I feel are the milestones of the follower of Christ, yet I also feel I do very little to help others.

However.

The other day, I was talking with a fellow co-worker that I hadn't talked to in long time.

She said: "Hey Cary, we were just talking about you!"
I reply, "Really? What were you saying?"

Her reply really made my day.

She said: "Oh, about how you make the world a better place."

As my life as a follower of Christ has progressed, I've always wanted to give a voice to that inner feeling/yearning to complete some purpose God placed within me. I think I finally found it.

I want to make the world a better place.